Perils of Retail Therapy

I finally got down to noting down my investments in an excel sheet. I took inspiration from a frugal friend, and the outcome was a neat document that showed my net worth. For someone who had nowhere to go 10 years ago, with a bank balance of Nil and a salary of 5000, I thought I had done well for myself.

I smiled. It felt good to know that there is enough wealth created my humble old me, through sheer grit and determination, hard work and perseverance. I told myself “Girl, be proud – you have created the kind of safety net that a man creates for his family, you did it all by yourself, so be proud!”

I must have displayed the cat-got-the-cream pleasure expression on my face a little too much. And I must have gloated about this proud-single-Indian-woman with a secure financial future story a little too much. I am sure, something about me and my totally not humble behavior had this friend look at me slyly and say “why don’t you summarize all that you have earned so far and map it against what you have invested so far. That will give you a summary of what you have spent so far”. I am sure he meant “blown away”, “wasted”, anything but “spent”.

So here I am – back early from office and sitting in the noisy kitchen of our centrally located house. Craving for solitude and quiet after a 1.5 hours drive through Pune, I sat here, grinding my teeth, and thinking to myself that I do need to get that summary done. The other trigger was a friend who informed me today that he would be “working from home”. A lovely home, in an apartment 10 floors above the ground, in an up-market locality of this city; nice and airy home with a separate “study” where he can peacefully “work from home”. Hmm, it was obvious that he had thought through well and invested prudently to buy a home like that with modern amenities. That got me thinking that I really need to get that summary done to understand why I could not have gotten my dream home in all these years, why did I not have enough floating bank balance to make me feel secure all the time, why and where had I gone wrong- had I really gone wrong?

So I created the summary excel sheet. And like a tight slap on my face, the figures screamed that I was wrong, oh so wrong, in spending, just simply spending – blowing away, wasting, burning – hard earned money for an obscene amount in 10 years. If I had invested even half of that amount, I am sure I could have been at least half way through to the dream house in the clouds. The next analysis was to think why and how I must have spent that money – the answer was very simple, I had spent it eating, drinking, making merry and shopping, shopping and more shopping. Oh, I had fun doing it, and at that time I termed it as “Retail Therapy” but looking back it gives me more grief than solace. Maybe I need someone or something to blame and hence I blame it on the colorful malls that masquerade as therapy centers. But the real blame is on the self that thinks buying oneself out of a self imposed isolation and finding that as the only path to discovering oneself is the easy way out.

Does this mean one stands redeemed? I guess not – till there is the “kaching” of cash, and the lure of the malls a weak hearted soul like me stands little chance.