Men are from Mars and women from Venus – ya ya ya, we all heard that before. But why, oh why, can’t we meet half-way and talk to solve issues, instead of aggravating them? Read on, for what could be a really amicable argument! Women would agree with me more than men, but what the heck, here it is anyway!
He has made her mad at him by ignoring her completely a couple of times when they went out with a group of friends. It’s a new relationship; they have gone out only twice so far. For her it looks like an interesting and important relationship that’s developing. She does not understand how deep he is, after all he is a foreigner and she does not really understand his culture.
He calls her on a Saturday, to ask her if she would like to do something on that evening.
This is how a nice and amicable conversation would go, with positive results in the end.
He - Listen, what are you doing today evening? Maybe we can go out somewhere, do something?
She - Oh thank you very much for offering to go out with me, but interesting as it may sound, I will need to decline it this time.
He - Oh that’s surprising! Are you angry with me over something?
She - Is there a reason for me to be?
He - I don’t know, but you sound angry.
She – Don’t ask me questions such as these, and I will not lie to you.
He - What does that mean, are you angry or not?
She - Let us just say, I am not in the most appropriate frame of mind for an outing with you at this juncture.
He - Why, what did I do?
She – It’s not what you did, but it’s what you did not do.
He - Ok, what did I not do?
She – Ok, let me answer this by asking you a question. Do you like to be ignored? Do you like it if someone does not pay attention to you at all?
He - No, of course not. Who would?
She – Bingo! Would that make you angry with someone if they do it to you twice in a row?
He - Yes, I think so. Well, not angry exactly, but I won’t care to be around that person after that.
She - Well, then now you understand?
He - No I don’t - because I don’t know when did I ignore you?
She - Aha - now we are getting operational. If I have to tell you when and how it happened, then it’s futile because you will not agree. Unless you did it on purpose - which I don’t think you did. I think it’s just your nature, and I am not sure I am made to adjust to that nature.
He - Oh dear - I have done something to annoy you haven’t I?
She – Yes, you have.
He - What can I do to make it alright?
She - Well, that’s up to you. If it were me, I would spend time trying to understand, I would spend time trying to coax you to tell me. After you tell me, I would not brush it aside as your imagination. I would try to handle it such that neither of us feels judged and we come out of this as better friends, with a better understanding of thresholds. But that is just me - I will give it so much importance. Now it depends on you, how much importance do you want to give us/ me/ this issue?
He - Of course it’s important, that’s why we are talking about it.
She - Well, then, it’s your call.
He - Come out with me tonight - let me try and understand. Maybe I did something on purpose to make you jealous :)...maybe I was testing to see how deep we are. I like you very much, and I don’t want you getting mad at me so early in our relationship. Give me a chance, let me understand, let me explain. I am sure we can sort it out.
She - NOW you are talking :)...ok, if you state it like that, how can I resist you?
He - See you at 7 then :))
Perfect, isn’t it? But this is written by a woman, and a woman is naturally more sensitive than a man. After the man above asks for the third time and she still does not give him a straight answer, most men reading this will say “WTF, he needs to get out of this as soon as he can”. Period. Mars and Venus, it is!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Perils of Retail Therapy
I finally got down to noting down my investments in an excel sheet. I took inspiration from a frugal friend, and the outcome was a neat document that showed my net worth. For someone who had nowhere to go 10 years ago, with a bank balance of Nil and a salary of 5000, I thought I had done well for myself.
I smiled. It felt good to know that there is enough wealth created my humble old me, through sheer grit and determination, hard work and perseverance. I told myself “Girl, be proud – you have created the kind of safety net that a man creates for his family, you did it all by yourself, so be proud!”
I must have displayed the cat-got-the-cream pleasure expression on my face a little too much. And I must have gloated about this proud-single-Indian-woman with a secure financial future story a little too much. I am sure, something about me and my totally not humble behavior had this friend look at me slyly and say “why don’t you summarize all that you have earned so far and map it against what you have invested so far. That will give you a summary of what you have spent so far”. I am sure he meant “blown away”, “wasted”, anything but “spent”.
So here I am – back early from office and sitting in the noisy kitchen of our centrally located house. Craving for solitude and quiet after a 1.5 hours drive through Pune, I sat here, grinding my teeth, and thinking to myself that I do need to get that summary done. The other trigger was a friend who informed me today that he would be “working from home”. A lovely home, in an apartment 10 floors above the ground, in an up-market locality of this city; nice and airy home with a separate “study” where he can peacefully “work from home”. Hmm, it was obvious that he had thought through well and invested prudently to buy a home like that with modern amenities. That got me thinking that I really need to get that summary done to understand why I could not have gotten my dream home in all these years, why did I not have enough floating bank balance to make me feel secure all the time, why and where had I gone wrong- had I really gone wrong?
So I created the summary excel sheet. And like a tight slap on my face, the figures screamed that I was wrong, oh so wrong, in spending, just simply spending – blowing away, wasting, burning – hard earned money for an obscene amount in 10 years. If I had invested even half of that amount, I am sure I could have been at least half way through to the dream house in the clouds. The next analysis was to think why and how I must have spent that money – the answer was very simple, I had spent it eating, drinking, making merry and shopping, shopping and more shopping. Oh, I had fun doing it, and at that time I termed it as “Retail Therapy” but looking back it gives me more grief than solace. Maybe I need someone or something to blame and hence I blame it on the colorful malls that masquerade as therapy centers. But the real blame is on the self that thinks buying oneself out of a self imposed isolation and finding that as the only path to discovering oneself is the easy way out.
Does this mean one stands redeemed? I guess not – till there is the “kaching” of cash, and the lure of the malls a weak hearted soul like me stands little chance.
I smiled. It felt good to know that there is enough wealth created my humble old me, through sheer grit and determination, hard work and perseverance. I told myself “Girl, be proud – you have created the kind of safety net that a man creates for his family, you did it all by yourself, so be proud!”
I must have displayed the cat-got-the-cream pleasure expression on my face a little too much. And I must have gloated about this proud-single-Indian-woman with a secure financial future story a little too much. I am sure, something about me and my totally not humble behavior had this friend look at me slyly and say “why don’t you summarize all that you have earned so far and map it against what you have invested so far. That will give you a summary of what you have spent so far”. I am sure he meant “blown away”, “wasted”, anything but “spent”.
So here I am – back early from office and sitting in the noisy kitchen of our centrally located house. Craving for solitude and quiet after a 1.5 hours drive through Pune, I sat here, grinding my teeth, and thinking to myself that I do need to get that summary done. The other trigger was a friend who informed me today that he would be “working from home”. A lovely home, in an apartment 10 floors above the ground, in an up-market locality of this city; nice and airy home with a separate “study” where he can peacefully “work from home”. Hmm, it was obvious that he had thought through well and invested prudently to buy a home like that with modern amenities. That got me thinking that I really need to get that summary done to understand why I could not have gotten my dream home in all these years, why did I not have enough floating bank balance to make me feel secure all the time, why and where had I gone wrong- had I really gone wrong?
So I created the summary excel sheet. And like a tight slap on my face, the figures screamed that I was wrong, oh so wrong, in spending, just simply spending – blowing away, wasting, burning – hard earned money for an obscene amount in 10 years. If I had invested even half of that amount, I am sure I could have been at least half way through to the dream house in the clouds. The next analysis was to think why and how I must have spent that money – the answer was very simple, I had spent it eating, drinking, making merry and shopping, shopping and more shopping. Oh, I had fun doing it, and at that time I termed it as “Retail Therapy” but looking back it gives me more grief than solace. Maybe I need someone or something to blame and hence I blame it on the colorful malls that masquerade as therapy centers. But the real blame is on the self that thinks buying oneself out of a self imposed isolation and finding that as the only path to discovering oneself is the easy way out.
Does this mean one stands redeemed? I guess not – till there is the “kaching” of cash, and the lure of the malls a weak hearted soul like me stands little chance.
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